notgrande | jikan inbox.

It's in Tokyo. Xiao and I can both teleport so it all works out for us. Diluc can be very mysterious sometimes, so I'm not surprised he managed to surprise you.

[ He holds the wine bottle close to his chest, and takes Kaeya's arm with his free hand so that the two of them can move inside and take this conversation indoors. ]

Ah -- he decided? Alright, since you're drunk enough. I'm here to listen. I'm always here to listen, regardless as to whether or not you're drunk.

[It wasn't that he didn't want tell Venti and needed to be drunk to do so. It was just easier for him when with the wine in his system. Rosaria was one of the few that always caught on to that about him, strangely enough.

He slid the door shut behind them to keep the warmth inside and got the kotatsu going so they could warm back up underneath. He set the wine glass down, waiting for Venti to get comfortable as well. There was a moment where he simply swirled the wine in his glass silently, thinking about how to start all this.]

Aye, he decided. I honestly had no idea he had that ability when it came to kizuna and bonds. I suppose it saved me the trouble of feeling the pain of it breaking like it had previously.

[He opted to not take another sip and set the glass back down, finger idly stroking the rim instead. Despite the fact that it was pretty obvious that Kaeya was a bit tipsy, his eye showed that he was sobering up.]

A couple weeks before my birthday, he confessed to me. He did so after I told him about Diluc and myself. I told him on account of the fact that we had never gone on a proper date and while I wouldn't mind being with him, I also didn't want to lead him on. My feelings for him would never be like they are for Diluc's, as I'm sure you can imagine.

[His hand dropped to the table top. Even after the couple of months that had passed, that afternoon was still so vivid, the feelings he felt that day still rather painful, even in retrospect.]

I'll admit, it may not have been the best time or place and I certainly could have worded it much better than I had but it is what it is. I couldn't return his feelings. Ultimately, he seemed accepting... until he asked if we could still date and he could continue to fall in love with me regardless if I returned his feelings or not. I said no. Had it just been the dating, I would have likely said yes. It wouldn't be anything unusual or different than what you and I do.

He said it's because the bond was straining when he and I spoke again weeks later and I'll get to that later but... Venti, he removed our bond and then left me. I think that hurt more than when our bond broke.

[And that had been the crux of the issue, at least for him. That Aether had decided their bond just wasn't worth it anymore, took it away, and left. He had been undoubtedly hurt, anyone would be after being rejected. Kaeya knew what it felt like to be rejected, even if for a different reason. But that didn't make it any better. Understanding didn't make it right. That's why Kaeya never really believed the traveler when he said why he removed the bond. How could he?

Kaeya had been honest with Aether, twice now. And both times, Kaeya was rejected in some fashion. Kaeya's bond was rejected. 'Fool me once...']

It made me question my relationship with Diluc. If Diluc would ultimately leave me as well, leave me again. He caught onto my worries, of course. He knew the cause of it, too.

[And thus, Aether wasn't invited to the birthday party.]

[ His heart aches for Kaeya when he hears what had happened. It was a pretty deep cut he knew Aether had made. Kaeya's place in Mondstadt had always been different due to where he had come from. Maybe he never felt quite like he had belonged or that the cityw as truly his. Venti had never asked. He never really thought of Kaeya any differently than his people, even back before they were as close as they are today. And now, as much as he loves him - he couldn't imagine abandoning and hurting him like that.

How -- could someone say they love someone and then sever a bond? Regardless as to how Aether had felt about how Kaeya or how little Kaeya could return those feelings. He simply cannot grasp not wanting to keep someone you treasure close to your heart, regardless as to where that leads. ]

Aether is immature. I understand why you were honest, though. Sometimes...you have to hurt someone a little to keep from hurting them a lot later. And a little heartbreak now is better than if you had led him on.

[ He gets it, too. He can't imagine loving someone else the way he loves Xiao. He's never felt that way. Not once. ]

Kaeya.

[ He sounds serious. He's concerned because he doesn't think Kaeya would ever need to question his relationship with Diluc. Diluc is loyal and loving deep down. So he feels he needs to make something clear. ]

I never want you to ever feel like you need to question how much I care about you. I may be Mondstadt's Archon, but I am, above all - your friend.

[Kaeya would always be a child of two worlds and live only in the world of lies when it came to Mondstadt. He would always question his place in it, regardless if he knew he answer to the inevitable choice he was going to have to make in the future. A choice that he hoped he could continue to run from.

Kaeya was careful not to look at Venti when he spoke, sounding so serious like this. It was unusual to hear, but he knew why the archon was speaking this way. He spoke the truth, he believed him. Which made him feel guilty once more because he had questioned it for a bit. Up until the birthday party, in fact. He had questioned Diluc, he questioned everything.

After all, he lived in a world that could easily come crashing down should certain people learn the truth about him. So, he chose to nod for now rather than give a proper answer. A small nod and set aside the rest of the wine to climb onto the couch and pull a pillow under his chin. He didn't have a lot to drink in the long run, but he was already feeling the effects he felt like. Laying on his stomach likely wouldn't help, but it was comfortable like this.]

Thank you for hearing me out and I apologize for bringing the mood down. And here I thought I could be a cheerful drunk for once. [A soft laugh, laying his cheek down on the pillow, looking at Venti.] You can have the rest, if you like.

[ Venti takes a seat by Kaeya's feet, and accepts the bottle of wine. It's complicated and confusing. He gets why Kaeya is in his own feelings about this, though. He leaned a little, using his free hand to stroke Kaeya's head and hair, he smiled sadly at him. He understood a lot of what was going on in his own way. Not for the same reasons, of course. But he knew loneliness and sadness. And he also knew, in part, he was responsible for some of Kaeya's - as long ago as it was.

It's not that he was here to make up for those deeds, though.

He was here because he loved Kaeya. Truly loved him. And it's that simple. ]

Don't worry about it. I have a free drink, and I don't mind keeping you company. I'll stay as long as you'll have me, Kaeya. I love you. I love you so much. I can't imagine wanting to hurt you. I can't imagine it wouldn't hurt me even if I did it by mistake.

That's how much I care about you.

[Hearing the amount of "I love you"s had him hiding his face for a moment. He really appreciated Venti. And he was clearly took drunk for this because damn it, he was getting a lot more emotional than he planned on being tonight.

He finally pulled his face from the pillow, giving a pitiful sniffle as he looked up at Venti.]

I appreciate you, Venti.

[He reached up and place his hand on the archon's cheek.]

And I love you, too. You're too good to me.

[He would never ask Venti to make up for the past. It happened long before he was born and what was happening now was the result of the previous generation's resentment. Kaeya really held no ill will towards Venti or the other archons, despite knowing his life might have been different had Khaenri'ah not fallen.]

And I'd like to try and lift the mood rather than having you watch me wallow. I hadn't planned on doing that this night.

[ He leaned down, placing a kiss to the side of Kaeya's head. He lets his face linger there, shifting to brush his nose over Kaeya's cheek and nuzzling against the other. ]

I appreciate you, too. I'm not too good to you.

[ He means it, too. There's no jokes or teasing that he typically has in his words. He's just sincere. He and Kaeya know the truth about one another, so there's no reason to put up any sort of façade around the young man. ]

I am treating you exactly how you deserve to be treated in the best way I know how. It's how you should always be treated. So if you want to wallow for a little longer, you can do it. But maybe you want to use me as your pillow instead.

[Kaeya would likely always think this to some degree. He didn't have as much self worth than he appeared, but it was largely kept to himself. Nonetheless, he didn't push Venti away or disagree verbally. He simply sighed softly with a nod, rolling over onto his back.]

Only if that's comfortable for you. I'm sure your lap would make a fine pillow, but not to wallow in.

[But he certainly wanted the company still. Perhaps lighter thoughts would come back soon.]

Hm...

[ He smiled towards him and nodded, patting his lap so that Kaeya knows he is more than welcome. He doesn't mind if Kaeya has to wallow or be sad for a bit longer. ]

It's perfectly comfortable. I don't mind -- do whatever it is that you need to do.

[ Because Venti's not leaving or abandoning him. He's going to be here - as long as Kaeya wants his company. ]

If you say so.

[Kaeya shifted around as he got comfortable with his head on Venti's lap. He sighed softly.]

...I love you, Venti. You know that, right?

I love you, Kaeya.

[ It's said immediately and without hesitation. There's no doubt, either. He's as sure as he ever is that he does love Kaeya. He's an important part of his world. He's significant and Venti doesn't know what a world without Kaeya looks like anymore, nor does he want to know. He can't imagine doing anything that would put a wedge between them because it would hurt too much. ]

I know you do, too. I've never had a reason to doubt that you did. You've been nothing but loving and caring with me. And I know being who we are things could have been very different, but we are who we each are.

And I am glad that you are you, I am me, and we are us.

Mmm... you and your poetry.

[He reached for Venti's hand, holding it close once he latched on.]

I'm glad we are us, too.

[He didn't want to think about a world without Venti either. Or what he had with Diluc. He wasn't sure he was going to get this back home in Teyvat. But for now, he could savor it.]

[ He intertwined his fingers in Kaeya's, smiling at the young man there. ]

Is it poetry or am I just good with honest words?

[ Okay, it's a little poetry-ish, he thinks. That's alright, though. He likes to sound poetic, as long as it's sincere. And it's definitely sincere. ]

You can stay here as long as you'd like.

Edited 2022-04-18 00:38 (UTC)

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